What i wish for..

This is what i'm waiting for...duduk dalam gelap, dengan laptop atas perut, baring atas sofa, clear up my mind, take a deep breath...and...start to write.

I dont know what drive me to write tonite. Usually, i'll write because i wanna share something with you guys. Something that just happened, or will happened. But tonite.....i have no idea whay should i put in my blog.

2009 had just passed us by. Now it is time to face 2010. I'm 26 this year. Gosh! What a big number. Am i ready for this 2010? No one know whether yes i do, or no, i dont. I am a big girl With a big dream, and big heart for sure. **************************************

Kenape ade bintang2? Sebab tiba2 blur. Kenape? Sebab tiba2 rasa sesuatu yg lain. Ade rase takut yg melampau. Entah kenape ye? Mungkin sebab malam pun semakin larut, tapi aku masih tak terlarutkan oleh rasa mengantuk menyebabkan aku terfikir byk sgt benda. Ermm..mungkin...

Let this post be my very 1st diary for 2010. Tiba2 sebenarnya terkenang 20 tahun dulu. When i was 6 years old... Masa aku tak kenal pun dunia reality yg sebenar. Zaman budak2. Masa setiap satu kesalahan yg aku buat (rosakkan TV ayah dan baling make up mama ke lantai) di anggap satu peningkatan cara berfikir bg budak2 sebaya aku. Masa aku tak ada sebarang perasaan tensen dgn adik beradik sendiri. The times when we used to play together, sharing our toys, dolls, and almost everything without having an arguement before and after....errmmm..what a good old days..

Still remember, when my mum back from the office, and she never failed to buy me doll. I still remember, when i woke up in the evening (usually i will sleep after got back from tadika kemas in the afternoon), i have a new doll beside me... Ermm..and my father..what i remember the most is, he is the one who never failed to tell almost every people that have seen me, that i am a very intelligent, and smart lil girl *tears droping now*. Oh, i was just too young to see what actually he is talking about, through his eyes.

My childhood time was never easy. Watching how my parents strugle to raise us everyday, is actually a life lesson learn for me. But, at that time, as a young girl, who only have bicycle and ice cream in her mind, sometimes, no, most of the times, i am just inconsiderate at all. Sekarang rasa menyesal. *sedih gila*

What make me write about this post? what make me write about all this childhood memories now? Because, just now, i saw my mum sleeping in front of the TV, and my father watching TV at our kitchen. They already 58 and 53 years old. More than half century. I never know when is the time they will leave me for Allah. Is it soon? Is it next year? Is it next 20 years? Do they have the chance to see my children? To play with them? *Urrghh* Suddenly make me thing, did i ever make them happy? Looking at my mum, did i ever make her proud of me? *crying* pergh..emo gile. But it is true. 26 years with them, what have i gave them for all these time? Did i love them more than what they did? The most important thing comes out my mind now, that is, if they are no longer with me, what i'm gonna do with my life? Where should i go when i need someone to be there always, like what they have done for all these times? *thinking to stop until here*

Ermm..i just cant write more now. And i will definitely not going to continue this post. Because, i just cant think how my life should be without my family. This reminds me the time when i was chatting with my Bff, Nani. She did said that "i cant imagine, how my life will be, without mama and abah".. *tears..again*..at that time, i didnt feel anything...but now...i think...i got what u means girl..

It is 2010...if all of you have your own wishlist, i have mine too...but i have only 1 thing in my mind now, that is to make my parents happy, and proud of me, while i still have the chance to...

Good nite.

For all of you, i would like to share some Doa for our parents. Got it from the internet.May it will drive you to be a better son/daughter for them, insyaallah *sayu pulak bila bace doa ni*

Bismillahirrahmanirahim

Ya Allah,

Ampunkanlah dosa kedua ibu bapa ku

kasihanilah mereka seperti mana mereka mengasihani aku ketika kecil

Peliharalah hati mereka untuk sentiasa beriman kepada-MU

Sesungguhnya aku terlalu terhutang budi kepada meraka

Ya Allah,

Terlalu banyak budi mereka yg telah ku balas dengan menyakiti hati mereka

Terlalu banyak pengorbanan mereka yg aku balas dengan penentangan

Dan segala didikan dan asuhan mereka yg aku ambil ringan

Aku lupa,

Bahawa dengan berkat didikan dan asuhan mereka

dengan berkat pengorbanan mereka

maka aku berada dimana aku berada kini

Ya Allah,

Segala keselesaan sanggup dilupakan ketika mengandungkan aku

Segala kesakitan sanggup dilalui ketika melahirkan aku

tidur malam mereka aku ganggu

titik peluh basah kering mereka membesarkan aku

Tidak pernah mereka mengadu letih

tidak sekali mengadu sakit

Lauk di mulut sanggup diluah utk diberikan kepadaku

Harta yg dikumpul sanggup digadai demi pelajaranku

Namun aku lupa semuanya

Kerna tidak pernah ku dengar rungutan

Tidak sekali mereka mengadu kepadaku

Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim,

Di malam ini aku terkenagkan segalanya

di malam ini juga aku memohon kepadamu

Rahmatilah mereka Ya Allah

Ampunkan lah mereka, Ya Allah

Jika ketika ini Kau sedang menyiksa mereka di alam barzakh

Aku mohon kepadamu hentikanlah siksaan-Mu Ya Allah

Aku tahu mereka terlalu lemah

dan tidak mungkin dapat menahan siksaan Mu yg pedih

Perkenankan lah doaku ini

dan ambillah doa ini sebagai doa anak yg soleh

antara harta yg Kau akan wariskan kepada kedua ibu dan bapaku

yg engkau telah janjikan akan diperkenankan oleh-Mu

Maha suci engkau Ya Allah, Tuhan sekelian alam..

Amin